"So what were we then, when we were together, just too horrible toxic people ripping each other apart?" he sighed. "I’m sorry, Effy. I shouldn’t have brought up Katie. I know it wasn’t really your fault. I’m just— It hurts you know that you keep fucking saying it. I broke you. I messed you up and whatever. Because I don’t know what that makes me. It just makes me someone who destroys every fucking thing I touch. My mum killed herself, you know? So I guess that’s probably all me too because I’m destructive or something—"
He stops himself. He’s just venting and it isn’t fair to put all this on her when she’s not so stable herself. “We’ll just be friends, yeah? Whatever that means. And I’ll pretend that I’m not mad for you because that’s all I can do. And I’ll try my best to avoid being a twat about it.” he sighed and held out one hand. “We have deal, than Effy. Because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to just entirely ignore you.”
“I know—— stop. It’s not. It’s not like that, Freddie. It’s not you, it’s just—- love, all of it. I couldn’t handle it and I wasn’t ready for it.” She feels the sudden urge to reiterate and explain that she simply wasn’t made for it at all, but she stops herself. There’s nothing to explain; her fragile state of mind buried under a stone-cold facade was much simpler, wasn’t it? “You’re not…. destructive. Freddie, you helped me in a lot of ways too—- ways that no one else could have.” Brows knit to a furrow and she tries to explain. It was never him, was it? Nothing about him, per say, that drove her to the edge— but rather, what he brought with him. The emotions.
“I don’t think I could do that either…” She finally admitted; a light returning to the blue of her eyes and they flickered up to meet his own. A small smile tugs at the corner of her lips and almost cautiously, Effy reaches out to shake the offered hand. “I don’t think, after everything, I could just forget and ignore you all together. You do mean a lot to me—— Freddie.” Walls down; just a glimmer. She’s serious; he’s a token of her past and a part of her now (whatever that part may be,) and simply forgetting he ever existed wasn’t an option.
Wow, it’s actually quiet around here, that’s a a change.
I know…. strange, right?
The dog, obviously. You’re s’posed to be the intelligent one around here.
Oh yes, I’m oh-so-very jealous of the dog.
I can understand that. Its never a good sign when Bristols this quiet. Its the calm before the storm. Or everyone was smart enough to jump ship before it sank, ‘cept for us, that is.
I jumped ship for a while, but didn’t really get me far I guess. Hopefully there’s no storm on the horizon because I’ve had enough of those.